Gravel crunch and steel toe march
Trigger the hypervigilance
I instantly recall
What ’til now I had forgotten
And know
I’m in for it
If only I could shrink
-I’d steal the gadget for you, honey-
Instead, I freeze like a deer in headlights
Doom imminent
Time traveling half-speed
My breathing is too loud
Cuz I’ve been holding it
And my burning lungs alerted me
So the gasps come pounding out
“Why am I so stupid?”
I wonder as he gets closer.
“If I would just do what he wanted,
Then none of this would happen.”
-Oh, honey, that’s not true
This was never about you-
I could feel the violence
Before I saw his face
Which is when my brain shut off
With my body floating in disassociated space
And then I hear
The sound of another
Like the rushing of great waters
Power pounding in my chest
Perhaps that’s my terrified heart?
I’m now surrounded
I feel a warm breath,
Smelling of lilies and dryer sheets
But instead of touching the small of my back
Or grabbing my hair
He walks past
And becomes my shield
For the first time
I begin to imagine a future
Where I’m not a failure
Or a prisoner
But simply me
Full of agency and dignity
Intact identity
Jubilee